Confessions :: Moving On

Life can be a hard row to hoe. Everyone has different levels of stress and challenges in their lives, and with these stresses and challenges, each person deals with it the best they can. No one's problems are bigger or less important than someone else's issues. We get hit with things that test us, and how we are able to deal with it is how we are able to deal with it. What is a slight speck of an issue to one is monumental to another. There are all kinds of reasons for this: sensory issues, sickness, how one was brought up to deal with stress or not deal with stress, abuse. There are too many factors to list here.

Having been diagnosed with a slew of mental health issues since the age of 19, blame was so easy to lay on my family. I mean diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder because of the atrocities I received and witnessed for the first 18 years of my life is clearly the environment I was allowed to grow up in. Who's fault? The adults for putting me there.

But 20 years later, and a lot of growing and surviving, has led me to just let go. Some things really are unforgivable and those perpetrators need to answer for their crimes. However, seeing the history of what my family has endured for decades, seeing the patterns of mental illness being passed on to each generation has opened my eyes to take control of my own life. Taking matters into my own hands and not letting these challenges bog me in the quagmire of helplessness is helping me move on and find great joy. Joy that was staring me right in the face and I never noticed.

Right now, my biggest challenge is Bipolar Disorder accompanied with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PDD) and General Anxiety Disorder, on top of dealing with my son's diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder. I want to cry myself to sleep every night. I want to pack my bags and run screaming from this house forever, since running is what I have always been best at.

Perseverance. I turned 40 this year. Perseverance. Something took over me. Perseverance. I screamed like Susan Powter: "STOP THE INSANITY!" And so, I did: Working on cognitive behavioral changes daily, taking four different types of medication to balance my mood to prevent diving into the pits of despair, therapy for me and my family, working out like a mad woman six days a week, practicing yoga everyday, meditation, writing, drawing, staying busy, eating well, but also having the occasional ice cream dinner.

Did you know that there are days that I have so much love and joy in my heart for someone that means the world to me, then the next day, I hate this same person with so much malevolence and hatred, that it borders on psychotic? I have absolutely no control over this...my brain really does not work or act like the general masses. The only control I do have is my doctors and my medication to put an end to it. And perseverance. I will not be what I witnessed. I will not let my mental illness destroy the love and kindness I possess.

I truly believe that as an adult, I have the control and the ability to take my life into my own hands and make it what I want it to be. Constant blaming of others for my plight, like childhood history, genetics, etc., will not move me forward but keep me stuck in the same place: the "WHY ME?" mentality. It also won't help my son or our family.

So what is this post about?  I have no idea. Validation for my issues? Ideas for others to pull themselves up from their boot straps and move on? Eye opening revelations to those who think they know me? Bored? All of these things, I suppose. The biggest thing I'm taking away from my experience is to treat people kindly. Someone yelling at me? Show kindness. Snide remarks? Show kindness. Being left out? Show kindness. If more people did this for me, I may have had my revelation to healthiness sooner. I only hope that by me showing kindness to all, I may just change the life of someone who needed just that tiniest of pushes.

Until the next,
– TYG

Yawgoo Pond Trail

Last year I had endeavored to hike all the trails with the South Kingstown Land Trust with my preschooler. We did hit one fabulous trail last summer, but I neglected to blog about it. Once I find those pics, I will definitely post and share.

In the meantime, this was our excursion earlier this week to the Yawgoo Pond Trail on Beaver Pond Road (off Rt. 2). The entrance has a new fenced in area, the trails are very well maintained, and there is minimal parking on the side of the road. This is residential, so be mindful.

We decided to go in a clockwise direction on the trail in order to see the pond quicker.

The initial part of the hike goes through a mountain laurel grove. The path is narrow, has roots, and is hilly, so lots of ups and downs.

This was MB's favorite part of the hike.

The trail ends at a very wide road that abuts another property. Watch the signs and be weary of trespassing. All the trails are clearly blazed blue and have occasional SKLT signs.

You will quickly come up to Mud Brook with a newly constructed Eagle Scout bridge. Be weary of mosquitoes!

The trail is very flat from this point through the loop.

This was the only tricky part of the hike. There was some standing water blocking the the offshoot of the hike where you can get an unobstructed view of Yawgoo Pond at Chickasheen Brook. It was easy enough to walk around on another log.

When you come to this tree on the off-shoot to view the pond, this will be as far as you can go.

However, it's well worth it. Very serene area.

Head back to the main trail, and you can make your way around the rest of the property.

The white pines are huge and plentiful. You will round out your hike going through a nursery of thousands of them and a historical cemetery of the Wells family. It's really quite beautiful.

All in all, this was a very tame hike. It is not stroller accessible, but is very easy to traverse with toddlers and the younger set.   You will loop back to the Mud Brook and back through the mountain laurel grove back to the parking area.



Grand total it took us just about an hour to blaze the 1.25 mile loop with a 4yo in tow and stopping frequently to explore things.

I really felt alive on this hike. The woods rejuvenate me. The second I hit the soft, pine needle carpet and smelled the air, the adrenaline started pumping.  Tailgating with some pb&j's once we were finished rounded off a very nice morning.

Until the next!
– TYG

DIY: Halloween Sign

My one Halloween craft this year was this cute sign. I found some printouts that you can purchase online, but since I'm pretty capable in PhotoShop and free fonts, I just decided to whip it up myself and print from my printer. All items were in my stock piles; I only had to purchase a cheap frame from the local dollar store.

I first found some twining branches out in the yard and hot glued them onto the top and one side of the frame. I then just cut up a strip of burlap and tied it into a bow and hot glued it to the frame's corner. The next step was just taking a very small amount of Halloween spider web and spread it from branch to branch. Those spider web packs also come with little plastic spiders. So I glued one on the center of the bow to complete this $1 masterpiece.

Instant décor for  your spooky Halloween!

Until the next!
–TYG

Dear Lord, I'm THAT Mom!

Yay! Halloween! So, MonkeyBoy has started preschool. I cannot believe how fast three and a half years have flown.

Now, I move on to the next phase of motherhood; the snack toting, bento box stuffing, bake sale-ing phase.

My turn for snacks for his class this week, and since Halloween is here, I opted for the the Pinterest idea of the week: spiders,  witch brooms, and pumpkins.

The pumpkins were very easy. It took longer to peel rinds and membranes off the tangerines than assembling the other items. Stick a piece of celery in the middle. Done.

The broomsticks were easy, too.  Cut a cheese stick into thirds, slice bristles into half of the cut pieces, press a pretzel stick into the middle. I suggest room temperature cheese and allowing the brooms to stand-up with the bristles spread out to ensure a true broom-like look. Room temperature cheese will prevent splitting. And I suggest not pressing the pretzel in too far.

The spiders are an adorable idea, but after breaking the pretzel sticks in half to create the legs, I realized I made ticks, not spiders. Live and learn. Cream cheese ended up being my filling and raisin-eye-glue.

They taste good, and are relatively healthy. And if a bunch of three-year-olds didn't notice the faux pas, why should I?





Until the next!
–TYG

My Birthday Epiphany

A couple weeks ago, I turned the big 3-9...which I will be doing for the next few years ;)

Actually, getting older doesn't bother me as much as it had in the past. It was bothering me when we were thinking about #2. I was creeping closer and closer to the end of my thirties and didn't want to be a 40-year-old new mom. I know, I know, there are tons of moms who do it and love it (including my own GYN-OB), but I know me, and I know my body. Another round of creating life was going to take it's toll, and I needed to do it sooner rather than later.

Well, our decision to grow, or in our case, not grow our family is now out of our hands. And with this knowledge, a calmness has come over me as I approach 40.

I think now that I have a child, getting older is some how okay. In my head, the natural order of things is complete as my hubby and I raise the next generation.

I remember turning 29. I. WAS. MISERABLE. I hated that I was coming into my thirties, unmarried, no children. I was already ten years into the career-thing, and wanted to move on into the next phase already! But God had other plans for me, (and so did my taste in men!).

It's funny how what we think we want is not what God knows we need.

Antique Finds: Lite-Brite

Ok, I'm trying not to feel ancient, but here is yet another fabulous find I found antiquing last weekend; Another toy I played with as a child that I knew my son would just love:  Lite-Brite.

What's funny to me is that I paid $15 for this "vintage" item, but the price tag is still on the box from Ann & Hope for $10.99. The box was really beat up and, of course, not all the black transfer designs were present. However, there was an ample supply of pegs and a couple sheets of transfers that hadn't been used yet. AND the lightbulb still had some juice. Golden!

This is a wonderful activity for fine motor skills. I feel my 3-year-old MonkeyBoy could use some more work in that arena, and the mix of drawing with pegs and light just made this "school day" all the more enjoyable. Once he got the hang of pinching the little pegs and pushing them through the paper into a hole, he had the time of his life.

Each black transfer has a pretty picture created with letters that associate to colored pegs. If there's a "P", one would stick a pink peg in that hole, and so on. Even though I don't have a complete set of transfers, they are just made of black construction paper, so we can make our own designs whenever we want with a simple trip to the dollar store!

Now, MonkeyBoy can't associate the letters on the transfers with the correctly colored peg yet. However, he does know his letters and can I.D. them. What I was thinking of doing is separating all the pegs by color and have them labeled in their own containers with the first letter of their color (i.e. "R" for red, "V" for violet, etc.). This way, he could put the "R" peg into the "R" hole on the lantern, and hopefully start associating the first letter with the color, like he's grasping the first letter of his name. (Whenever he sees a word with an "N" in it, he thinks it's for his name! Too cute!)

We worked on our sail boat all morning. I love that my son can experience the wonder, awe, and joys I had myself as a child, and that we can share them together!

Until the next!

Yankee Doodle Dandy,
–TYG

Antique Finds: Lincoln Logs!

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I found a canister of Lincoln Logs that I had as a child in an antique store for $9,  and I bought them for my son.

This is the canister I affectionately remember as a tike. I was a child of the late 70's and through the 80's. So, yes, my toys are officially considered "vintage".

Does anyone else remember that lovely, wooden smell when you opened that can? It's right up there with Crayola and Play Dough.

The first thing my son did was put the empty canister over his head and start talking. Like mother, like son! The apple didn't fall far from that tree!

Oh, those wooden slats. These are sun-worn, but I can remember those bright, aqua-green slats like it was yesterday. I had so much fun creating and recreating all the pictures on the can, and coming up with a few architectural masterpieces of my own.

Nowadays, the roofs are made of plastic, with lots of detail. But the pioneers of yore did not put gabled windows in their log cabins on the plains. Harumph.

The bottom line, the mixture of old and new worked out great. We needed a few extra longer logs to elaborate on his existing set; there always seems to be a surplus of those tiny connector logs. The parts are still completely interchangeable; they are just two different color browns. 

Still, at age three, my son is all about mommy building, and him demolishing.

Until the next!

Yankee Doodle Dandy,

–TYG